Creating Nostalgia Today: What Will Your Children Remember?

What Will Your Children Remember Today? Creating Nostalgia Today

An annual camping trip, a favorite storybook, or a holiday tradition may become the emotional touchstones of childhood.

The Greek words "algos," which means "pain or grief," and "nostos," which means "homecoming," are the source of the word "nostalgia." Traditionally, the term referred to an acute pain associated with homesickness.  It was even included in some medical manuals and treated as a disease that affected sailors and soldiers who were far from home. Its meaning has changed over time to primarily mean a desire to "come home" to the glory days of the past or a yearning for a simpler time. The bittersweet caress of nostalgia can come over a person suddenly, initiated by the simplest things: a half-forgotten melody, the smell of freshly cut grass, sunlight and long shadows on a familiar street, or an old book covered in dust.  These triggers link us to formative memories. 

  We wish we could go back to them, but those memories remain hidden behind a glass wall. Over time, some childhood memories become heavily scented with nostalgia for adults. Whether it was hunting with Dad, having picnics in the backyard with siblings, watching a favorite movie with cousins, or reading a book with Mom, over time, these experiences take on more meaning than they had in the moment.  The accessories of these memories—the old shotgun, the battered picnic basket, the faded book cover—remind us of the joys (and sorrows), the activities, the emotions, the places, and especially the people that formed us at our most impressionable ages, when all the world was new.

 Nostalgia is more than just an interesting quirk of adulthood.  Nostalgia has a formative effect as we age.  The things we feel nostalgia over continue to shape who we are and write our story; they are an expression of what is most precious to us.  In this way, nostalgia can still refine and reinforce our priorities and even our worldview in adulthood.  Its visceral, irrational quality causes us to instinctively respond to certain triggers, giving them particular weight and meaning, sometimes without even realizing it. Parents’ Role in Shaping Nostalgia

Parents have a unique opportunity to “form” their children’s future nostalgia by giving them experiences, influences, and objects in childhood that will inform their adult lives through nostalgia.  What we give our children now is what they will feel tenderness for in middle age.

 From that perspective, the games, activities, traditions, books, and movies with which we fill our children’s lives are forming them now and in the future.  It’s well worth being intentional about those influences.

 To put it another way, I'd rather my adult children remember "SpongeBob SquarePants" more than "The Chronicles of Narnia." I’d rather they experience more nostalgia on walks through the woods rather than while playing video games.  I hope that the Lussekatter and candles of Santa Lucia's Day evoke more vivid childhood memories than do trips to water parks. That’s not to say that TV shows or video games or waterparks have no place in childhood or childhood nostalgia.  They can undoubtedly have a positive impact. But, at the same time, I don’t want those experiences to be the ones my adult children associate most strongly with youth because those experiences—in general—don’t transmit the kind of values and worldview I desire.

 A love for the wondrous and the noble instilled by the Narnia series is a better compass than the slapstick humor and banal moralizing of most kids’ TV shows.  Memories of sun-drenched forest glades will do them more good in the long run than immersion in virtual worlds of video games.

 Other parents make different judgments, but the point is that it’s at least worth making some kind of judgment.  Is this the type of thing I want my kids to always remember fondly or not?

 Everyday Luminosity

 This perspective on parenting is both invigorating and intimidating.  In a recent viral video, a dad named Ethan Lapierre articulated the poignant reality that, as parents, “you’re creating your kids’ nostalgia in real time.

 “You’re not just living your life anymore.  He stated, "You are shaping someone else's." “So it’s weird being the adult, and being the parent now.  But I just see it as such a privilege.  Because you get to be a part of someone's entire memory album—you're more than just a parent."

Commenting on the video’s popularity, Himanshi Bahuguna wrote for “Motherly” about why this realization resonated with so many people.

 “Suddenly, ordinary care feels loaded with meaning,“ he said.  While you are just trying to get through the day, you come to the realization that your child's memories are developing quietly and without your knowledge. Many parents describe this moment [of realization] as beautiful and terrifying at the same time.”

 Not only does the realization of nostalgia formation give parents more reason to be more careful about the influences they give their children, but it also brightens up the everyday. “One of the hardest things for parents to believe is also one of the most reassuring,“ Bahuguna wrote.  "The small things count because they are small," as the saying goes. Resting in that truth—which can be a challenge amid the chaos of the day-to-day—is one of the great joys of parenthood.

 However, Bahuguna also reminded parents that "care is not a spectacle, and childhood is not a performance." The essence of the gift of parenting is none of these things, although parents should make an effort to intentionally provide their children with good things like healthy customs, beautiful and inspiring literature, and adventurous activities that will become good memories. It’s love.  Even when the trappings of childhood are far from perfect, love can still make it beautiful.

 That’s what children will remember most.  That’s the real kernel of healthy nostalgia.

  Writer: Binod Kumar Simkhada 

binodkumarsimkhada315@gmail.com